Sex jokes of The Day
What goes 999 ?
A German getting raped.
Three words to ruin a man’s ego: “Is it in?” Three words to ruin a woman’s ego: “I don’t know.”
This women walked into a bar and asked for a Double Entendre, so he gave her one…
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he’s so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies “I couldn’t find it.”
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”
Three women are drinking at a bar. As the night goes on, they begin talking about how loose their vaginas are. The first woman boasts that her lover can fit his entire fist in. The second woman says “That’s nothing, my husband was able to fit both of his fists in!” The third woman laughs, finishes her drink, and slides down the barstool.
Guy was down there about to do something “nicety”, and exclaims, “Jesus H. Christ, this is the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen, the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen.” She says, “You’re kind of a rude asshole, you didn’t have to yell it twice.” “I didn’t,” he replies.
Three nuns are in a car accident and then find themselves in front of Saint Peter at the Gates of Heaven. “Welcome, sisters. Before I grant you entry, I must ask you if you kept your vows, including your vow of celibacy.” The first sister approaches Peter and says, “I’m sorry, but I must admit that I once gave the Priest a handjob.” Saint Peter replies, “Do not worry, sister. Here in Heaven all sins are forgiven, just wash your hands in this water and enter the Kingdom of God.” The next sister approaches, but before she can say anything, she’s pushed out of the way by the third sister. “But, sister,” Peter says, “there’s no reason to rush, you will all be granted entry into the Kingdom of God.” “I know that,” says the nun, “but I want to wash my mouth out before sister Mary here washes her ass in that water.”
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