Offensive Jokes

Jokesful provides you the most offensive jokes on the Internet. We guaranteed people will laugh at them, so do not hesitate to share these funny offensive jokes. Actually, we love the offensive jokes because simply they are the best and purest satire as far as they’re effective because they express the cruelest ideas imaginable. And in this very post which is devoted to the best bundle of offensive jokes on the entire Internet you will find the harshest jokes that are not showing hate or racism. Yet, they only provide an outlet for the ominous, uncomfortable reality we’re all a part of. Enjoy and do not forget to share with your friends. You always keep in mind that this content of these jokes is solely for entertainment purpose.

Offensive Jokes

offensive jokes

The Perfect Day – Her

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend’s/husband’s ex and notice she’s gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day – Him

6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O’Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch – 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Bl0wjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Sh!t, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton’s resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So nobody confuses them with feminists.

What’s the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

My wife suggested today that we get our daughter Christened and I couldn’t be more pleased. I’m not religious at all, I just remember what happened when she suggested we Christen the new settee.

What’s the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
Phelps knows how to finish a race.

What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne usually waits until the kid is a teenager to come on his face.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says,
‘why are you crying my son?’
‘my parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died,’
‘it’s just not your day today is it’
Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

Why didn’t the autistic kid go to the party?
Because he wasn’t invited

Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.

I’m not racist. Racism is a crime and crimes are for black people.
I’m not sexist. Sexism is wrong and being wrong is for women.

The other day I saw this black guy running across my street holding a TV. My first thought was “Is that mine?” … then I realized mine was still downstairs shining my shoes.

I’m not racist, I love black people. I think everybody should own one!

What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
A mudslide
What do you call a bunch of Mexican people running down a hill?
A jailbreak -Melissa

Black guy is in the library with his white friend…
Black guy: Hey, are there any colored printers here?
White guy: It’s 2015 man, you can use any printer you want.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

More than 9, because my basement is still dark.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a mound of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

What’s harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree? My d!ck while I’m doing it.

What’s the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can’t unload a truck of bowling balls with a pitch fork.

How many babies do you need to paint a room red? Depends how hard you beat them up

Whats red and screams? A baby chewing on a razor blade.

My girlfriend tried to break up with me the other day, she says “I can’t see you any more – my best girlfriend told me you’re a pedophile”. I told her, “Wow, that’s a pretty big word for a five year old”.

What’s Blue and sits in the corner? A baby wrapped in saran wrap.

What’s green and sits in the corner? The same baby a month later.

What goes “Pitter-Patter Pitter-Patter, BBBLTZZZZPTHZITs – – THUD? A baby walking into a fan.

What Screams and goes 300 mph? A baby in a blender.

What’s red and screams really loud? Skinned baby in a bag of salt.

An international flight was over the ocean. All of a sudden, the plane began to lose altitude. The pilot tried to level it out but there was to much weight on the plane. So the crew went below deck and began to throw the luggage out the rear hatch. With a lot of weight gone, the pilot was able to keep the plane level for a while, but it soon began to lose altitude again. The pilot announced over the speakers that in order for the majority of passengers to survive some people would have to jump out to their deaths. Some men began to stand and head for the hatch. A British guy said, “God save the queen,” and jumped out. A Frenchman said, “Viva la France,” and jumped out. A Texan said, “Remember the Alamo,” and threw out a Mexican. -littlewitt

What’s the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a damn when my computer crashes.

What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

What’s got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

An Italian, a French and a Mexican all are window washers at a big company. One day when they were eating lunch the Italian opens his lunchbox and finds lasagna. He says “if my wife makes me lasagna for lunch one more time, I’m going to jump from this platform.” The French opens his lunchbox and finds cordon bleu. He says “If my wife makes me cordon bleu for lunch one more time, I’m going to jump and join you.” The Mexican opens his lunchbox and finds a peanut butter sandwich. He says “If my wife makes me peanut butter sandwich one more time I’m going to join both of you.” The next day, they sit down to their lunches. The Italian opens his lunchbox to find lasagna and he jumps. The French opens his lunchbox to find cordon bleu and he jumps, too. The Mexican opens his lunch to find a peanut butter sandwich and he jumps also. At the funerals the wives come together and talk. The Italian wife says, “I don’t know why he killed himself, I thought he loved lasagna.” The French wife says, “I don’t know why he killed himself, I thought he loved cordon bleu.” The Mexican wife says, “I don’t know why he killed himself, he made his own lunch.”

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn’t unwrapped his present.

How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

What’s worse than the holocaust?

Six million Jews.

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Offensive Jokes Video

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