Offensive Jokes

Jokesful provides you the most offensive jokes on the Internet. We guaranteed people will laugh at them, so do not hesitate to share these funny offensive jokes. Actually, we love the offensive jokes because simply they are the best and purest satire as far as they’re effective because they express the cruelest ideas imaginable. And in this very post which is devoted to the best bundle of offensive jokes on the entire Internet you will find the harshest jokes that are not showing hate or racism. Yet, they only provide an outlet for the ominous, uncomfortable reality we’re all a part of. Enjoy and do not forget to share with your friends. You always keep in mind that this content of these jokes is solely for entertainment purpose.

Offensive Jokes

 

The Perfect Day – Her

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend’s/husband’s ex and notice she’s gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day – Him

6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O’Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch – 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Bl0wjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Sh!t, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton’s resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep


Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So nobody confuses them with feminists.


What’s the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.


My wife suggested today that we get our daughter Christened and I couldn’t be more pleased. I’m not religious at all, I just remember what happened when she suggested we Christen the new settee.


What’s the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
Phelps knows how to finish a race.


What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne usually waits until the kid is a teenager to come on his face.


A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says,
‘why are you crying my son?’
‘my parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died,’
‘it’s just not your day today is it’
Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.


 

Why didn’t the autistic kid go to the party?
Because he wasn’t invited


Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.


 

I’m not racist. Racism is a crime and crimes are for black people.
I’m not sexist. Sexism is wrong and being wrong is for women.


The other day I saw this black guy running across my street holding a TV. My first thought was “Is that mine?” … then I realized mine was still downstairs shining my shoes.

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