German Jokes

If you ever believe that German are only serious and they are not funny. Check these German jokes which will make you suffer from laughing. This bundle of funny German jokes in English is provided by Jokesful, in different forms. You will find long jokes. Yet, they are hilarious as well as short jokes, they are hilarious too. What we recommend is reading carefully because a lot of laughable meanings are laying here in these funny jokes about Germans in English. Enjoy! And do not forget sharing them with your friends and family.

German Jokes

German Jokes
On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred. .. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming. The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores. The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her arse look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn’t raining. The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup a distillery. They don’t remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they’re satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.


In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.


My Grandad was wounded by a German during the war
Granny Schneider found him in bed with another woman and shot him
Q: How does every German joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.


Q: What tea do German futbol players drink?
A. PenalTea!


Q: What’s the difference between German striker Miroslav Klose and a puppy?
A: A puppy will eventually stop whining.


Q: Have you heard about the new German microwave ?
A: It’s got ten seats inside.


Q: If your American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?
A: European


Q: What do you call an German in the World Cup final?
A: A Referee.


Q: Which is the most biggest rope?
A: Europe


Q: Why did the Germans start two world wars?
A: It was the only way they could get visitors.


Q: Why don’t Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
A: They give them gas.


Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?
A: A Beaner-Schnitzel


Q: What does a German bride get from her husband on her wedding day that is long and hard?
A: A new last name.


Q: What do you call a German Virgin?
A: Good n Tight.


Q: What does a German politican have in common with a German pornstar’s mouth?
A: They’re both full of shit.


Q: What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?
A: In christianity, one guy died for all the others.


Q: Who is the most well known Jewish cook?
A: Hitler.


Q: How do you get rid of aristocratic Germans?
A: Von by von.


Q: What’s the difference between German socialism and an orgasm?
A: With German socialism, you moan for a helluva lot longer.


Q: What’s the difference between a German and his girlfriend?
A: His girlfriend has a higher sperm count.


Q: What did the German clock maker say to the clock that only went “tick tick tick”?
A: Vee haf vays to make you tock


An American pilot who had downed a German Messerschmidt, visited the German pilot in the field hospital. Finding the fellow in pretty bad shape, the American asked if he could do anything for him.
The Nazi admitted that he did have a favour to ask. “The leg they amputated, on your next bombing run, could you drop it over Germany?”
“Sure, pal.”
It was a pretty weird request, but the pilot was happy to oblige and came back to tell him the mission had been carried out.
The grateful German gasped his thanks, and another request. “The other leg got very bad, they had to cut it off. Could this, too, be dropped over my homeland? It would mean a great deal to me.”
The American shrugged, but returned two days later with the news that the job was done.
“Many thanks,” whispered the downed Nazi, now ashen faced and unable to lift his head from the pillow. “I have just one final request. Last night they had to amputate my right arm…”
“Now hang on just a darn minute,” interrupted the American angrily. “Are you trying to escape?”


Once there was a man that came from Germany to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say “Me me me me me me.” Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say “He stole my dolly” And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say “Big butcher knife big butcher knife.” Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say “Plug it in Plug it in.” Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said “Who killed this man?” The foreigner said “Me me me me me me me.” The police said “Why did you kill him?” And the man said “He stole my dolly.” The police man said “What did you kill him with?” The man said “Big butcher knife big butcher knife.” Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death. The police man said “any last words?” And the foreigner said “Plug it in plug it in.”

German Jokes Video

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