After covering the most stupid jokes, now its dumb jokes turn, which are more stupid than the ordinary stupid jokes, they are really catastrophic. Be willing to discover with us the funniest bundle about dumb jokes. Enjoy!
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “how do you drive this thing?”
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut
What do you call a camel with no humps?
What’s red and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket.
What’s blue and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket in disguise.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
A man reported that a squirrel was running in circles on Davis Drive, and he wasn’t sure if it was sick or had been hit by a car. An officer responded, and as he drove on the street, he ran over the squirrel.
A resident said someone had entered his home at night and taken five pounds of bacon. Upon further investigation, police discovered his wife had gotten up for a late-night snack.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. Just before he takes a sip of his whiskey, a guy runs in and says, “Bill, your house burnt down!”
So he runs outside, but then he thinks, “I don’t have a house,” so he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey.
Another guy runs in and says, “Bill! Your dad died!”
He runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways, but then thinks, “I don’t have a dad,” so he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey. Then another guy runs in and says, “Bill! You won the lottery!”
So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank, but then he thinks, “My name’s not Bill.”
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chickens wasn’t invented yet.
Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
How do you now when its raining cats and dogs?
When you step in a poodle.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A duck walked into a drugstore and asked for a tube of ChapStick.
The cashier said, “That’ll be $1.49”
and the duck said “Put it on my bill”.
I read a book on helium once. I couldn’t put it down!
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says “Nothin’ special… we just flat out tell’ em they’re gonna die.”
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary “tools” together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another.
Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
She stopped, looked skyward and said, “Is that you Lord?”
The voice replied, “No … this is the Ice-Rink Manager….”
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment.”
A politician is one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
The very first doctor of dermatology had to start from scratch.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
What’s brown and sticky?
What do you call a funeral where you smell your own flowers?
“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” ”Yes sir,” came the reply, “it’s fresh ground.” One day there were three people. Their names were Manners, Trouble and Shut up. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so he went to the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when he met a policeman. The policeman said, “What is your name?” “Shut up!” The policeman replied, “Are you looking for trouble?” “Yes!” The policeman fumed, “Where are your manners?” “In the toilet.”
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
When we were looking to buy property I had this over zealous Realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing. The smiling super salesman said, “Now really, all this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good people.” I replied, “Yeah, I agree, but couldn’t the same be said of Hell?”
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