Dog Jokes

After covering the best and most funniest cat jokes. Today is dog jokes turn. In today’s thread you will discover the funniest dog jokes whether they are images or written jokes a video in the end. Additionally, for the first time, you will discover dog types jokes, each dog type we wrote a jokes about them, either they are Rottweilers or Chihuahuas. At any rate, this post will make you laugh hilariously at dogs, and from now on, if you have  a dog that we made a joke at, you will love them more. Enjoy!

Dog Jokes

Dog Jokes 3 Dog jokes 2 Dog jokes 1 Dog jokes
A woman called our airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.
“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”


My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question. The neighbor didn’t reply. “Sir, are you going to answer me?”
The neighbor leaped to his feet. “Are you talking to me?” he asked. “Sorry; I can’t hear a darn thing.”
The case was dismissed.


A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, “You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. “But that would make no sense at all.”


Penn Jillette, the chatty half of the magic duo Penn & Teller, shared with us his favorite clean joke:
Two racehorses are in a stable. One says to the other, “You know, 
before that last race …”
“The one that you won?” asks the other horse.
“Yeah, before that race, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters.”
The other horse says, “Funny, 
I felt a pinch in my hindquarters 
before the race that I won.”
A dog walking by says, “You 
idiots, you’re being doped. They’re injecting you with a drug to make you faster!”
The first horse turns to the other and says, “Hey, a talking dog!”


 

Q&A Dog Jokes

What kind of dog can use the phone?
a Dial-Matian

What kind of dog would you find in a cave?
a Bat Terrier

Which dog is very obedient?
a Sit Bull Terrier

What do you get when you cross a small dog and a large boat?
a Ship Tzu

What did the hungry Dalmatian say after his meal?
“That hit the spots!”

Why are Dalmatians no good at “Hide and Seek”?
They’re always spotted!

What dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha

Where do the dogs go for the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade?
New Yorkie

What’s black and white and red all over?
an embarrassed Dalmatian


A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash.
The store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and quickly looks away again.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees the blind man start swinging the dog over his head with its leash. S
hocked, the manager runs over and says, “Mister, is there a problem – is there something I can help you with?” The blind man calmly replies, “No thanks – I’m just looking around.”


Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs.”
“That’s odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. “Two dogs, please,” says one.
The vendor is pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excitedly, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their ‘dogs’.
The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, “What part… did you get…?”


A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch.
The dachshund thinks, “OK, I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.”
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
“Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”
Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet … and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says…
“Where’s that darn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”


Dog Types Jokes

German Shepard Joke:
“I have beautiful dog, a German Shepard. She is an amazing creature. We have lots of fun together. I never do anything weird with her, except that I let her smell my crotch once in a while. I call my dog, Claudia Sniffer.”

Dingo Joke:
One day a lady took a dingo to the vet. The doctor looked at the dingo and shook his head. “I’m sorry your dingo is dead” said the doctor. “How could you be so sure” the lady said. So the man left the room and come back with a labrodore retriever. It stood up on its hind legs and sniffed the dingo and shook its head. The doctor left the room again and come back with a cat. The cat also sniffed the dingo and shook its head. The doctor said that the dingo was 100% dead. With the lady still in shock, the doctor handed the bill to the lady. “$400, why $400?”. The doctor replied “If you had’ve believed me first it would of been $60”. “But why still” the lady insists. To which the doctor says “Because you had a lab report and a cat scan!”

Chihuahua Joke:
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that bar and get something to drink.” The guy with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The one with the Doberman said, “Just follow my lead.” They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.” The man with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.” The bouncer said, “A Doberman pinscher?” The man said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.” The bouncer said, “Come on in.” The buddy with the Chihuahua figured what the heck, so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. He knew his would be more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” The man with the Chihuahua said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.” The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?” The man with the Chihuahua said, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a fricking Chihuahua?”

Rottweiler Joke:
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?” “Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?” “Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…” “What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?” “Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat!”


Dog Jokes Video

This thread was about the funniest dog jokes on the entire Internet, feel free to check also: