Are you a dad jokes teller? Or you just wanna hear and tell jokes about dads, we guaranteed this is your place about dad jokes, where you find bunch of the funniest dad jokes ever told, some of these dad jokes are hand-picked jokes as well as hand-written ones.
Just heard Dad telling this joke to Mum…
A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom
‘You know what?’ says the 5 year old, ‘I think it’s about time we started swearing.’
The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,
‘When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?’
‘Ok’ the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast.
‘Shit mum, I don’t know, I suppose I’ll have some Fruit Loops ‘
WHACK…she spanks him
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, ‘And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?’
‘I don’t know mum, but it won’t be fucking Fruit Loops’
Waiter: “And to drink, sir?”
Dad: “I’ll have a blind coke.”
Waiter: “I’m sorry?”
Dad: “You know, a blind coke. No ice.”
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
What’s the difference between a pun and a dad joke?
A pun can make you groan, but a dad joke goes even father.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: “Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?”
Son: “No, they are fighting with their turtle hands.”
Doesn’t have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
“Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something.”
“Dad you dont mea-”
“Yes I do. You’ve earned it.” Says the father as he passes a copy of ‘1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition’ to the son.
“Dad I dont know what to say…I’m honored.”
“Hi honored,” Replies the father. “I’m dad.”
I don’t always tell dad jokes…But when I do, he laughs.
Dad: [Grabs chest] Quick! call me an ambulance!
Son: You’re… an ambulance.
Dad: I’m-I’m so proud of you, son.
Son: “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.”
Mom: Stares at Dad
Dad: Clenches fist
Dad: Sweats Profusely
Dad: “HI GAY, I’M DAD”
What’s the best thing about being black?
Not having to listen to awful dad jokes.
Having gay parents must be horrible…You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of “go ask your mom”
I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of “Kryszczuk”. My son looks to me and asks “Do you think he’s Russian?”
My response: Nope, it looks like he’s taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful “Really, Dad?” look. I’m so proud.
A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea…He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea.
Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea. As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again.
The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says
“Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup.”
Dad: Whaddya got there son?
Son: Soy milk.
Dad: Hola milk, soy tu padre
So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while. My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says “it’s nepalling isn’t it?”
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
Kid: Dad, I’m thirsty.
Dad: Hi thirsty, I’m friday!
Two men walk into a bar. The bartender says “you can’t eat your own food in here!” so they swapped sandwiches.
Waitress – walks up to table, “you guys all finished?”
Me – Yes
Waitress – You wanna box for the leftovers?
Me – No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
“What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.”
My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’
Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!
Me: ‘Hey, I was thinking…
’ My dad: ‘I thought I smelled something burning.’
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
Dad Jokes Video
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