Baby jokes are sort of those cute jokes that leave an innocent impact mixed with a smile on people, whom laughed at your kid or baby jokes. At any rate, today, Jokesful provides you the funniest baby jokes on the whole Internet. Enjoy them and do not forget to share with your friends.
There was a little baby boy and a little baby girl. Then the baby boy goes “I’m a boy, you are a girl!” Then the girl goes “How do you know?” Then the little boy goes “I’ll show you when the nurse leaves.” So about 10 minutes later, the nurse leaves. So the boy lifts up his gown and goes………”See I have Blue Booties, and you have Pink!
A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s office. “Why is your stomach so big?” he asks.
“I’m having a baby,” she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.”
“Is it a good baby?”
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.”
Shocked and surprised, the little boy asks, “Then why did you eat him?”
Why didn’t the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the diapers package said ’18-40 lbs’.
Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet, my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room.
“He’ll be fine,” the doctor promised her. “The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two.”
“How will I be sure?” she pressed.
“Well,” the doctor suggested, “you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you’ll know.”
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.
“I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”
The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled. “Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby.”
One night, a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, even skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said.
“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $67.50.”
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men’s delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.
”Isn’t it wonderful?” Brad exclaims. ”All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”
”He’s happy now,” says the nurse. “But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.”
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman gives birth. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says: “Not yet.”
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says: “Not yet.”
Finally they say: “When can we see the baby?”
And the mother says: “When the baby cries.”
So they ask: “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”
The new mother says: “I forgot where I put it!”
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!”
The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.” The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.”
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air.” The man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”
A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a couple of months later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there’s still no result, and another couple of months later she’s back in the doctor’s office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, “We’re so happy doctor, we’re finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren’t that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after.”
“Well,” the doctor replies, “since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus.”
A woman with triplets pregnancy is taken as hostage during a stickup at the bank. The robber shoots her three times in the stomach before he is arrested by armed police. Amazingly, the woman finds out all her babies have survived. She gives birth to 2 girls and a boy.
15 years later, she comes home from work to find her first daughter crying. When she asks her what’s wrong, her daughter tells her she went for a wee and a bullet came out. She reassures her this is normal, and tells her the bizarre story.
The next day, she finds her second daughter crying, who also says she went for a wee and a bullet came out. Once again she tells the story.
The day after that, she finds her son crying, and asks him if he went for a wee and had a bullet come out. He looks at her confused and replies ”No – I was having a wank and I shot the dog!”
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